Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
vagina is talking i cant
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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