I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
