it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
