She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
