this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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