Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my being single is dangerous.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
