Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
