Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
