I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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