If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
