is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
