Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
