I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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