He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
