He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
