just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
