May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
