Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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