This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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