I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
