That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
