There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
