Your face is a jimmy john
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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