I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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