belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
