My first STD was from a foam party
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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