Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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