I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
