im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
