Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
