You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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