I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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