So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
