Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
