my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
