I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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