My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Boobs speak an international language.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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