I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
two words...techno handjob
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize