That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
