Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
