I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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