He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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