I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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