When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
