i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
