do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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