How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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