Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
