I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He passed out mid-signature
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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