Apparently you make a good broom.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
