Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
