is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
