So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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