I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
