He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
