I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize
