He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
