I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
