A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
