I miss vodka workout Fridays
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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