I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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